Steve Lear

In 2012, I wrote an article about a presentation I gave titled Wanted from my fellow Jews: Kindness and Patience. As I read it again recently, the content was so timely that it might have been written yesterday. Here is what happened during that discussion ten years ago:

I was invited to speak at the Stillwater Critical Thinking Club. This group met monthly – a collection of mostly gray-haired, well-educated men and women who were mostly curious, open-minded, and eager to learn more about a wide range of topics. My topic for the evening was Israel.

At the beginning of my presentation, I gave the audience a question and a list of possible answers. The question: Who is to blame for the current situation between the Israelis and Palestinians? Options were the UK, the US, the UN, Germany/Britain, the Arabs, Israel, and the Palestinians.

The results were telling: while the answers varied, not a single person named the Arabs or the Palestinians. Some named Israel. Many people circled all the players, indicating that they really had no answer.

The message to me then – and now – is clear: people are primarily uneducated about this issue. While they are often entirely well-meaning – open and ready to learn – they simply don’t have the information they need. It is wrong to assume that the source of their criticism of Israel, or support of the Palestinians, is anti-Semitism. Therefore, the task of the Jewish community is to be kinder and more patient with the rest of the world so that we can deliver the information that’s needed.

Unfortunately, that’s not always so easy, both for Jews as a group and for me personally. First of all, it’s part of our tradition to question and challenge. After all, if we can question God, certainly we can question other people. Leaders such as Rabbi Sacks endorsed just such a non-conformist and confrontational attitude.

But in my experience, rabbis are also good at listening, at being kind and patient. Rabbis need to understand that this call to confrontation created a bit of a conundrum for the rest of us. Being argumentative is at odds with the Jewish people’s need to be approachable in order to engage in productive conversation with the rest of the world.

It certainly created a conflict for me. I have been called pugnacious and with good reason. Rabbi Sacks called on us to embrace our differences – to go ahead and be rambunctious. But maybe rabbis need to accompany that call with a lesson on how to be kind and patient listeners. I, for one, have been inspired whenever I witness that lesson.

If we want non-Jews to understand Israel and the Palestinian conflict, we need to convey information. To do this, we need dialogue – which requires listening, not confrontation.

We must find the motivation to keep trying. If we think the only thing that has changed about our situation since I first wrote this article is the date, we’ll become discouraged. In 2012, I advocated for asking our Jewish leadership to organize sessions to help us learn how to listen and speak civilly with others. I believe that is still sound advice. An open heart and mind will always be the best path to finding better solutions in such difficult times.

Let’s pledge to re-dedicate ourselves to that effort.